The "Second Puberty": Why Your ADHD and Autistic Traits Are Suddenly Worse in Your 40s

You haven’t lost your mind, you haven’t suddenly become "lazy," and you (probably) don’t have early-onset dementia. You are navigating the collision of Neurodivergence and Perimenopause.

There is a specific panic that sets in for many high-functioning women somewhere between the ages of 38 and 48.

For decades, you made it work. You might have been the woman who was always "a bit intense" or "chaotic but brilliant." Maybe you built a business, raised a family, or managed a career by relying on adrenaline, anxiety, and meticulously crafted coping mechanisms.

You were masking. And it was exhausting, but it worked.

And then, almost overnight, the wheels fell off.

Suddenly, the noise of the radio makes you want to scream. You walk into a room and forget why you are there—five times a day. The spreadsheet you used to breeze through now looks like hieroglyphics. You feel a level of deep, bone-weary burnout that a weekend of sleep doesn’t touch.

If you are a neurodivergent woman (diagnosed or self-discovered), this phase is sometimes called the "Second Puberty."

And if you feel like your brain has completely changed the rules on you, you are right. It has.

The Science: It’s Not You, It’s the Estrogen (and the Dopamine)

Why does it feel like your ADHD or Autistic traits have suddenly dialed up to volume 10?

Because for neurodivergent brains, Estrogen is not just a reproductive hormone. It is a neurotransmitter protectant.

Estrogen plays a massive role in the production and transport of specific chemicals in our brains:

1. Dopamine: The chemical responsible for focus, motivation, and executive function (the thing ADHD brains are already low on).

2. Serotonin: The chemical that helps regulate mood and sleep.

3. Oxytocin: The buffer that helps us handle stress and noise.

In your 20s and 30s, your estrogen levels were likely higher and more stable. That estrogen was acting like a "buffer," helping your brain bridge the gap between your neurodivergence and the demands of the world. It was helping you mask.

Enter Perimenopause.

During perimenopause, estrogen doesn’t just slowly decline; it crashes and spikes erratically before eventually dropping off.

When estrogen drops, dopamine drops with it.

If you have ADHD, your baseline dopamine was already low. Now? It’s rock bottom. The "scaffolding" that held your coping mechanisms together has been removed.

* The lists that used to keep you organised stop working.

* The medication that used to work perfectly feels like a sugar pill.

* The sensory annoying things (tough labels, loud chewing) become sensory emergencies.

You aren’t "regressing." You are operating with zero neuro-chemical buffer.

The 3 Signs You Are in the "Neuro-Hormonal Crash"

Most women come to me thinking they are broken. They tell me they are failing at business, failing at motherhood or just failing at life in general. Usually, they are just experiencing one of these three shifts:

1. The Mask Has Dropped (and it won’t go back on)

Masking—pretending to be neurotypical to fit in—requires immense amounts of energy. It requires high executive function to constantly monitor: Am I making eye contact? Am I talking too much? Do I look interested?

When perimenopause hits and energy plummets, your brain performs a focused "energy audit." It realises it no longer has the calories to spare for the mask.

The Result: You physically cannot fake it anymore. You might find yourself snapping at work, refusing social events you used to tolerate, or feeling a wild urge to just walk away from your life. This isn't a crisis; it's your body prioritizing survival over politeness.

2. The "Sensory Ceiling" Lowers

Imagine everyone has a glass of water that represents how much sensory input they can handle before overflowing. Neurotypical people have a pint glass. We (neurodivergents) might have a shot glass.

In your 40s, that shot glass becomes a thimble.

Lights seem brighter. The texture of your clothes feels unbearable. The sound of your partner breathing feels like a personal attack. This is essentially Autistic Burnout, often triggered by hormonal flux.

3. The "Brain Fog" Terror

For many smart women, our intellect is our safety net. We might be disorganised, but we are sharp. We solve problems fast.

When the estrogen-dopamine link breaks, that sharpness dulls. You struggle to find words. You lose your train of thought mid-sentence.

Note: This is the point where many women secretly Google "signs of early dementia." It is rarely dementia. It is usually a temporary (but terrifying) loss of executive function due to the hormonal drop.

So, What Do We Do? (The Strategy Re-Design)

If you are nodding along to this, you might be feeling fear. But I want you to feel validation.

You cannot "mindset" your way out of biology. You cannot hustle your way through a dopamine crash. The strategies that worked in your 30s will not work here.

You need a new Operating Manual.

1. Stop Trying to "Fix" Your Personality

You aren't being lazy. Your brain is offline. The shame spiral ("Why can't I just do the laundry?") burns more energy than the task itself. The first step is radical acceptance: My capacity has changed.

2. Review Your Sensory Environment

If your internal buffer is gone, you must change your external environment.

This isn't about spa days. It’s about Sensory Safety.

* Do you need earplugs to cook dinner? Wear them.

* Do you need to work in the dark? Do it.

* Do you need to decline the social invite because recovery will take 3 days? Say no.

3. Get Strategic Support (Not Just Therapy)

Talking about your feelings is wonderful. But talking won't help you find your keys or restructure your business to survive your fatigue.

You need Neuro-Lifestyle Strategy.

You need to look at your week and ask: Where am I leaking energy? How can I automate this? What can I drop?

You Don’t Have to Burn Out

I went through this crash. It took me four years to rebuild because I didn't understand what was happening to my body. I thought I just needed to push harder.

I don’t want that for you.

You can navigate this "Second Puberty" without burning down your business, your career or your health. But you have to stop playing by the old rules.

Are you a neurodivergent woman (diagnosed or discovered) who feels like her brain has stopped working?

You don't need to do this alone. I have opened a dedicated Neuro-Lifestyle Consultancy specifically for women like us. We move beyond "talking about it" and build a practical, tactical plan to design a life that works with your hormones and your brain, not against them.

Click here to read more about the Consultancy and apply.